As a little girl, I often fantasized about finding “true love” and living “happily ever after”. I never anticipated marriage being hard. But truth of the matter is, IT IS!
Loving someone is complicated. Marriage is difficult. Anyone that tells you otherwise is lying. Anyone that tells you their marriage is all hunky dory 100% of the time is clearly a newlywed or is not being honest.
I’ve admitted several times on this blog that my marriage isn’t perfect, nor do I pretend that it is. Paul and I share some of the ugliest moments that I’ve ever experienced in my life. We’ve said some of the most hurtful and horrible things to one another. We’ve let resentment and frustration build up to the point where we explode into a huge ball of anger.
Is it healthy? Certainly not. Do we work at it? We try.
I was married at 23, was pregnant with Soleil at 25, had her at 26, pregnant with Selene at 26, and had her at 27. I am now 29 going on 30. I’ve been married to Paul for nearly 6 years. We’ve been together for nearly 7.5 years. I love him, the girls and Bella (our dog) more than anything else in this world. They are my life.
The moments when Paul and I aren’t at our best, my world just sucks. There is no better way to explain it. And the hardest part is that while we love each other very much, we are two very different people, who don’t see eye-to-eye at times. We are both extremely stubborn and try desperately to make the other see our point of view. And while we should just agree to disagree and leave it at that, it doesn’t always work out that way.
So what do we do? We give each other time. Time to cool off. Time to think. Time to swallow our pride and apologize profusely for the terrible things we said.
I love my husband. So much that when we argue it hurts like hell. We know each other better than anyone, and we know exactly what buttons to push to tick each other off.
Yet, even through all the ugly moments we share, we share some of the most beautiful moments that I would not trade for anything in this world. Moments that not everyone else gets to experience. Moments that some people spend their lives searching for.
Marriage is hard. That’s why you vow to be with one another “for better or worse”. They didn’t just throw “worse” in there for the heck of it, and it certainly gets to that point sooner or later.
Even when I am at my angriest and I hate Paul to the point that I don’t even want to be around him, I know deep down that I love him and couldn’t live without him. I often say, “Even when I hate you, I love you.”
It’s the difficult and ugly moments that make our relationship stronger. We’ve all heard the expression that “things have to get worse before they can get better“, and I believe that is true. It’s during the “worse” that we are forced to tackle the root of the problem, instead of just grazing the surface like we normally would. Sometimes it’s only during our “worse” that we finally open up and see things as they really are.
“More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.”
- Doug Larson
And while my marriage is 100% perfect all the time, I do believe we’ll live happily ever after. I love you, Paulito!